Monday Musings | The Day I Cast the Die – 9 Years Later

Nine years ago, I made a decision that would cost me friendships, comfort, and security. I didn’t know if I would survive it — but I knew I could no longer ignore the call in my heart.

On the 1st of January 2016, exactly nine years ago, I wrote on my Facebook wall that the die was cast. Many of my friends and followers, may have seen the post — and perhaps wondered what on earth it meant. After all, this was New Year’s Day — a time for celebrations, family, hope, and resolutions — so why would someone speak in such weighty, final terms?

What you didn’t know then, was that those words were the culmination of many months — perhaps even years — of soul searching. Countless hours of deep reflection. Tearful prayers whispered into the stillness of the night. Long conversations with God where my words fell short, and my tears did the talking. Where akin to Jacob, I wrestled — not with a man, but with the inevitable."

And so there I was — standing at the edge of a decision so monumental that, in the days that followed, I often wondered if I had completely lost my mind.

A few days later, I travelled back to my workstation and quietly typed out my resignation letter. I tucked it into my laptop folders, waiting for the statutory date that marked the three months notice before I could release it. I still remember the day vividly — it was sometime in February. I had been in the field all day, returned late, and the mailbag to head office was ready for the courier. As the boss at the time, I had the authority to hold it back — and I did.

I arrived slightly past the cutoff, but they waited. I slipped my letter into an envelope and addressed it to my most senior boss, who was also a dear friend.

By sending my resignation this way, I knew I was risking that friendship. But I was afraid — afraid that if anyone spoke to me, I might waver. I couldn’t afford to. At the risk of losing the trust of someone who had been my friend, boss, guardian, and mentor — someone I deeply admired — I still mailed that letter."

The truth is, God had not given me peace for the previous five years or so. I had fought relentless internal battles. The call on my life was louder than my fears. The conviction weighed heavier than my comfort. The soul searching was unending.

Was I prepared? Not in the slightest.
Was it wise? Perhaps not.
But it was necessary.

That choice cost me many so-called “friends” (truly). It cost me the comfort of a steady salary, the security of an organisation, the influence of my position, the ease of being chauffeured, the satisfaction of calling the shots — all of it.

Did I find peace immediately? No.
Did I feel satisfied? Not even close.

Instead, I had hurled myself into a precipice of chaos — a shapeless void with no clear structure, no safety net, no guarantees. I was entirely on my own.
 

And yet; the journey since has been nothing short of an odyssey — rich with lessons, unexpected blessings, and victories I never saw coming. I have stood in the dumps — literally — and clawed my way back. 

I have discovered strength I never knew I had, wisdom that only comes the hard way, and resilience that refuses to quit. I have released shallow friendships to make space for deeper connections, pushed myself beyond limits I thought were fixed, and found clarity on the far side of breakdowns. 

And in that same breath… I have built a brand."

Are we where we want to be? Not yet. We’re still sailing towards our dreams, the horizon still out of sight.
Have we hit milestones? Absolutely.
Am I happy? That’s a layered question.
Am I satisfied? Some days, yes. Some days, I cry.

Is the future bright? Without a doubt.
Would I make the same decision again? Absolutely — though perhaps with more strategy.

But here’s what I know — when the calling in your heart is deep, who else can guide you but the One who placed it there? 

And Its' against this backdrop, that I am stepping into consulting — to help others make the right moves, before leaping into the unknown to follow their passion or purpose.

Have I evolved? A hundred times over. 

The Patricia who left KWFT is not the Patricia you see today. I may no longer have the corporate look, per se, but I am infinitely richer — in wisdom, in character, in resilience, in impact. And yes, go ahead - Google my name. 😊"

But truly, I don’t want people to talk about me. I want them to talk about our work — the fight to level the playing field for the voiceless, teenage mothers, too weighed down by life’s circumstances to lift their heads.

So, this morning, I find myself reminiscing on how far I have come, since that fateful Facebook post and marveling at the greenhorn I was. If only someone had warned me of the wild ride ahead.

So, 

Here I am, 9 years later; separated, raising my now two adults and one teenager on my own, building and shaping an organisation against the current, working to convince the world it’s worth their investment — and loving every moment of it.

I have bad days and good days — but don’t we all?

Here’s to life and its seasons. 

With each passing day, the journey makes more sense. 

And the process?; As much as I have trusted it, has trusted me right back, with a Zuri Award recognition, an Alumni of Aga Khan Women Leadership Academy( a fully sponsored program) and many young mothers impacted in many ways.

Well, what can I say?

It has been an eventful and deeply satisfactory journey.

Cheers — to Birth and Beyond.

Cheers - Patricia or Queen Pat as many call me😉😉 

 Njeri.